The prospect of the big bad dissertation baby is terrifying, however I have found that the most recent essay/presentation (art as therapy) really pushed and inspired me into a new place in terms of a focus in which my work sits. I am hoping that the exhibition I make in the library will allow the same in terms of frameworks of presentation as well as links to understood art practices and ideas. Presentation in particular has been a struggle for me, so I hope I can really PLAN something now and make it thinking about every component of it rather than just waffling something up (even though that, ironically, is so much of my focus).
I am firmly slotted into the "art as self-care/comfort or pleasure mechanism above all else" frame now. Everything revolves around that perfectly. Everything about art making and its properties of therapy/calming/nostalgia/representation and love of life and the universe is THE THING I CARE ABOUT and want to talk about. That is exactly why it's been tough for me to want to theorise it and think about it and consider every part of what I'm doing, because I've just wanted to DO IT. But after writing the "art as therapy" essay I feel I have a new understanding of the value of considering every detail of my art practice, intentions, reasoning, etc. Everything is precious, and this can be enhanced through academics. I do feel stupid though, a lot during this course. It's hard to find academic things to engage with, it's hard to find the right sort of sources that are relevant and understandable. I seem to stumble upon by accident. That's pretty scary,
Anyway the point here is that I am much more open to contextualising myself because thinking, in practice, has not detracted from my carefree style of work, as I felt deep within myself it would. I'm still scared though.